Redefinition

I was fired. Not “let go”or “laid off.” I was fired without cause. I was never written up or reprimanded. I’ve run a million scenarios and… still stunned. I love working hard and striving toward perfection. Working hard defined who I am. Who am I without killing myself for my job?

This is the greatest gift I could have ever received. I started to scale back over the last few months due to my illness. I felt guilty despite putting in more than any other employee- even though I could hardly move. I have always told myself- no excuses, work hard because that is who you are. Now, you’ll put in slightly less and it’ll take ten times longer. But, it’s okay because you’ll work hard still.

Other people, who have RA, do triathlons! Although everything felt like a triathlon- waking up throughout the night, fevers, counting the hours and minutes until the alarm would sound, making the trek out of bed, to the bathroom, then to the shower, ugh and then ah screw it I can’t do it! My husband would take over with the washing and dressing. I’m done. Thankfully, I have a wonderful and supportive husband.

I would stay up all hours of the night planning, brainstorming, and thinking of how I could work more. How absurd! It’s time to let it all go…

Working hard will no longer define me and perfection is not real. Rad!

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2 comments

  1. All I can say is wow! I have not been fired yet..lolol but I am working 50 hours a week on my feet the entire time and I try harder and work harder then most around me because I feel like I have to. Today was extremely bad and every joint in my body is killing me. But I never slowed down.
    In the same fact I dream of going to bed because of the fatique but dread it at the same time. I know I will toss and turn all night because of my elbow, knees and ankles. I do wait and wait at night for that alarm clock to go off…as sometimes it is just horrible laying there knowing I should be resting but never resting because of the pain.
    thanks again for the blog!
    It hits home!

    • Hi Dawn! Thank you for your comment! Gosh, can I relate. Although, I do recommend slowing down. But I’m kind of in a phase where I daydream about buying a smaller home in a small town (perhaps even outside of the U.S.) where everything moves at a slower place. RA has made me think of how important it is to have a life that is not made up of work! 🙂


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