Finding My New Life

My weeks were spent working and my weekends spent gardening/landscaping, interior decorating, cooking, or creating art. More than anything I love the satisfaction of working hard and turning around to see a visually satisfying result. Things such as an area cleared of weeds, new plants in the ground, mulch spread in a garden bed, a drawing/plan for a room in my home, painted walls, new yummy and creative recipes made and posted on my food blog, and completed artwork all aided in my confidence and self worth.

Now my gardens are filled with weeds, plants pathetic and neglected, my home is filled with tired furniture and incomplete projects, food blog sits idle, and I’ve only helped cook a few meals that require very little effort in the last few months. I feel that everywhere I turn it is a reminder of the hobbies I once enjoyed. Well that’s rather negative!

But, it is something I must face. I was recently told that I have to learn to let go what was and find my new life. I have always thought of myself as one that can handle change fairly well until now. I suppose I should have recognized that change is wonderful when you have a choice. Seemingly waking up one day with pain and disability is not the ideal way to create new interests, hobbies, and possibly even a new career.

Although I have yet to wake up eager to find new interests, hobbies, and career choices it has been on my mind all day today. RA has opened my mind and created an awareness that I have never thought possible. Perhaps it will do the same in all facets of my life? On a positive note, I am still able to paint! I am also learning the importance of taking frequent breaks.

I must forgive myself for what I can no longer do, look ahead to find a new way of life with purpose, and more importantly- live more!

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2 comments

  1. You are so positive and encouraging. It doesn’t feel like I will ever think like this. I think I am still in shock, denial, and “grieving” the old me! : (

    • I’m not always, I definitely have pity parties Rebecca! They came on strong and hard at first. I allowed myself to feel it all. Now, they are more mini-pity parties however, they still happen. I allow myself to grieve, be sad, and angry but I really try to limit it.

      After my allotted pity party time I force myself to be more aware of all the positive I have around me. My supportive husband, my joyful animals, family, friends, the roof over my head, food on the table, the ability to feel, care, love etc. Though I don’t allow myself to compare (i.e. it could be worse I could have…). I just focus on the good in my life. The little things in life are what make it so wonderful and cause the hopeless feeling to decrease. My great-grandmother gave me wonderful advise- “one day at a time, honey.” I used to find that to be frustrating but now I find it to be so wonderful and helpful.

      My advice would be to give yourself time to grieve and feel the changes. But, also take time to be grateful without making comparisons. My heart goes out to you and I know you’ll get better with coping with each new day, hour, or minute. Thanks for your comment đŸ™‚


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