My weeks were spent working and my weekends spent gardening/landscaping, interior decorating, cooking, or creating art. More than anything I love the satisfaction of working hard and turning around to see a visually satisfying result. Things such as an area cleared of weeds, new plants in the ground, mulch spread in a garden bed, a drawing/plan for a room in my home, painted walls, new yummy and creative recipes made and posted on my food blog, and completed artwork all aided in my confidence and self worth.
Now my gardens are filled with weeds, plants pathetic and neglected, my home is filled with tired furniture and incomplete projects, food blog sits idle, and I’ve only helped cook a few meals that require very little effort in the last few months. I feel that everywhere I turn it is a reminder of the hobbies I once enjoyed. Well that’s rather negative!
But, it is something I must face. I was recently told that I have to learn to let go what was and find my new life. I have always thought of myself as one that can handle change fairly well until now. I suppose I should have recognized that change is wonderful when you have a choice. Seemingly waking up one day with pain and disability is not the ideal way to create new interests, hobbies, and possibly even a new career.
Although I have yet to wake up eager to find new interests, hobbies, and career choices it has been on my mind all day today. RA has opened my mind and created an awareness that I have never thought possible. Perhaps it will do the same in all facets of my life? On a positive note, I am still able to paint! I am also learning the importance of taking frequent breaks.
I must forgive myself for what I can no longer do, look ahead to find a new way of life with purpose, and more importantly- live more!