Finding Quiet Through Grief

Rolling grassy hills, daisies… did I pay my student loan bill? …irises, sunflowers… oh, I have to call the trash company! I can’t believe someone would steal our trash bin! …a cool breeze blows as the sun heats my pale skin… I have to let my dogs in before they plow through the door… what was my visualization again? Oh well. I’ll try again tomorrow.

Visualization and meditation are like an unsuccessful diet where I fail and commit to trying again tomorrow. My mind enjoys being overactive and problem solving- especially in the dark early morning hours. 2am is a great time to wake up and develop an idea for a painting and wonder why I have not received my new ATM card.

I’m trying to learn the art of quieting my mind. Although it is a great challenge, I believe I have made significant progress. Although I have felt the most pain, sadness, anger, and stress, I feel the calmest I have felt in years. Perhaps because some of my worst nightmares have come true and it’s not as awful as I would have imagined? Or is it because I am no longer employed at an abusive job? Or is it because my frequent sickness, fatigue, and pain is finally explained? It’s unbelievable that my worst pain could be my greatest relief.

Quiet is kind, peaceful, loving, green, grassy, flowery, hilly, and free of rushing and overworking. It’s a cottage home with a wrap around porch filled with necessities, love, and inspiration. There I did it!

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