Exhale and Wait

My hair has felt really disgusting lately- very brittle and thin. And though I wouldn’t dare, I keep dreaming of cutting it all off. I woke up this morning, drank a big cup of green juice, coffee, and ate a small bowl of oatmeal. It was a cold morning so my joints complained and begged for a hot shower. Some days I wish I could just stay in the hot shower all day.

After showering, while drying my hair, I decided my hair needed attention. It’s a big day and I wanted my hair to feel better. Ironically, to make it feel better I have to burn it with a hair dryer and curling iron and use a smoothing finishing spray. The brittle and thin still exists but is camouflaged nicely. I put on a pretty blouse and jeans and climbed into my soft canvas shoes.

My husband, being the supportive and amazing man he is, insisted on accompanying me during his lunch hour to get the dreaded shot. Reading through the massive amount of materials Humira sends, talking to Humira and Curascript nurses, and reading online definitely creates anxiety. Side effects are constantly in your face- mild to dangerous infections, cancer risks, death, painful injections, and etc. (the commercials seem to haunt me!). This is all definitely not rad.

Today, I woke up less afraid and more anxious to have it behind me. I put in my mind that there is no way the injection is as awful as some have expressed. And thankfully it wasn’t! Though I shook and teared up as the shot was injected, it was surprisingly not bad. I had a flu shot years ago (when I believed in them) that was significantly worse. With the initial dose of methotrexate and each increase I shook and teared up as I swallowed the pills. But, like all things (including my hair) you just get used to the idea of weekly poisonings that oddly help. Thankfully, this will only be bi-weekly!

Thanks for all the support many of you have given me! It has been awesome!

Now, onto another waiting game…


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