Something Old, Something New


My husband took in my sub plans.
I was very sick.
I worked a million hours anyway.

My feet, wrists, and neck ached.
I told myself I was a hypochondriac because this pain made no sense.
I worked a million hours.

My thumbs locked up.
I couldn’t put on my pants or wash my hair.
My awesome husband washed, dressed, and carried me to work.

My honorary father had a stroke- he is okay.
I was thousands of miles away.
I could hardly move.

My husband and I were fired without cause.
As I was being fired my former boss pointed out cobra benefits with joy.
I had no insurance- cobra paperwork was never filed.

Our world crumbled.
Our students were told that we quit.
Phone calls came pouring.

My rheumatologist said I have aggressive rheumatoid arthritis.
We paid for doctors visits and medication with credit.
I took four pills of methotrexate, then six, and finally eight.

My husband got a great job.
I felt rejuvenated with his positive experience.
Silver linings.

My family is amazing.
I am lucky.
I am full of love.

My doctor added Humira to my treatment.
People say I will get better.
I wait.

2013: I’ve never made resolutions, though this year definitely comes with questions, concerns, and hope that I have never had. However, I also have some answers. I have made a decision about my career and am very excited. My marriage is stronger than ever. My family is my awesome.

I had a couple weeks where my pain was low. Though I told myself not to get used to anything and take things one day at a time, I found myself thinking that maybe I would no longer have to endure ugly RA. Then the pain grew in intensity and has yet to lower again. It’s not horrific pain but the kind of pain that nags body wide making it difficult to easily move and sleep. I find myself wishing it was isolated pain that would just heal- like a broken bone (which I have never had). Could it be stress of the holidays? Weather? Certainly.

I will have my fourth Humira shot on Thursday. I will continue to wait. In the meantime, I have a lot of rad and exciting creative projects that are calling! One day at a time. Happy New Year!


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