Today the methotrexate hangover, fatigue, and the cold weather has made the couch my cushy friend. I tried to do a few things on my to do list but, it just isn’t happening. And ya know what? After a long talk with myself I’ve decided that it’s okay!
On days like this I have often become frustrated and tend to pick on myself- look at the sun shining- look at the list of things to do- look at those dirty dishes- look at those weeds- look at the floors- and on and on. Then I look at my list of accomplishments for the day and get even more frustrated and feel tremendous guilt. I did a load of laundry- wow I sarcastically think. Get off your ass and move, I tell myself sternly.
Forgiveness and acceptance are two things I work on very single day. On methotrexate hangover days and fatigue funk days I have to work particularly hard on those two things. I often blame myself for getting sick, like I could have somehow prevented it. I also have a hard time accepting how I cannot hop up and move my ass like I used to. I especially have a hard time when I try and fail. Realizing I cannot do it isn’t easy but, fighting with it is worse. I make myself miserable. It’s a choice that I make and can change.
Today was a challenge because it’s my last day before student teaching begins. Tomorrow is the big day and I have felt a range of differing emotions- excited, terrified, anxious, and fearful all at once. I have to get up at the crack of dawn and function. Today is my last day and although I don’t really have anything pressing to do I felt that I should be up and practicing for the big day. I also feel like I have forgotten something. I should have gotten up earlier the last week to see how I would do. I also should have gotten up early to acclimate my body. I should be doing more around the house to test my energy. STOP. This is a normal Monday for me. Hell, even if it wasn’t why am I picking on myself? It’s all okay.
I stopped the negative thoughts and focused on forgiveness and acceptance and diverted my thoughts to more positive things. I feel grateful I’ve been able to do some writing, look at, read, and watch inspiring things. I thought it would feel good to share some of my favorite things for the icky days. In no particular order…
1. Lightly scented Soy Candles. Okay, I admit it I used to avoid candles because I was afraid one of my kitties would light themselves on fire. Excessive worrier- yep that’s me! I’m workin’ on that about myself! Now I enjoy the sense of warmth, flickering light, and aromatherapy.
2. My electric blanket- it’s soft and comforting. My kitties also love it so I get extra warmth and snuggle time!
3. iPad- it’s my reader, social networking, and writing device. It was also a gift from my husband- Rad! I’m able to read and write in comfort thanks to this awesome device. Kris Carr, David Sedaris, Danielle LaPorte, Wayne Pacelle, Gretchen Rubin on the Kindle app- yes, please!
4. Comfy lounge pants- my mom bought me these awesome, super soft, pink polka dot, fleece ones for Christmas and they are my absolute favorite. I have several others that are also awesome.
5. Great Television/Movies- Doctor Who, Sherlock (BBC), Six Feet Under, and Sex in the City are all engaging and wonderful. I also have found several shows I love on OWN that are wonderful- Our America, Next Chapter, and Super Soul Sunday. I also thoroughly enjoy Ellen and Jimmy Kimmel. Netflix is also awesome- I most recently enjoyed Star Trek and Helvetica (nerdy things).
6. Animals- my kitties and puppies (one of my dogs helps me get up and around even- he’s perfect), reading about all things animals, vegan, victories, petitions, pictures, VegNews Magazine, sanctuaries. Animals and their welfare is everything to me.
7. RA communities/social networking/blogs- It’s nice to have so many people to relate to. I love RA Guy and RA Warrior and have no idea how I would have made it this far without them.
8. Pinterest- art, design, architecture, humor, fashion, food, awesomeness. It’s super inspirational- love it! The humor section just might be my favorite- I love to laugh!
9. Music- Spotify is the most amazing thing and it literally has saved me from losing my mind some days. Music really heals my frustrations and helps me to change my outlook. Jim James, Wake Owl, Alt-J, Bat for Lashes, and Ane Brun are some of my current favorite musicians.
10. Quiet- no devices, no music, no tele, just quiet.
11. Self improvement- looking for ways to be better and live better. It has been especially helpful to recognize my feelings, understand them, and adjust them accordingly.
12. Family- they always make me feel like a rock star and provide me great comfort. I am so very grateful.
13. Laughing- at myself, the silly puppies and kitties, books, articles, Pinterest, but my very favorite is my husband. He is so funny- it hurts (in a good way).
How do you get through the icky days?