Swept Off My Feet

“Doctor says to skip Humira.” I knew those words were coming but, really wanted to yell LALALALALA over them to live in denial. A few days after the yeast trip up I noticed symptoms and after two oral treatments, my excessive and unwelcome fungal friend is still hanging around. Luckily, it’s nothing like what I have read it can be and it’s honestly hardly noticeable. But, it’s there which sets me back on my Humira journey. Sadly, I believe the Humira caused and kept the yeasty beast around. Though this is a bit disappointing, there are definitely worse things in life!

In an effort to improve and create a positive vision of my life, I recently bought an awesome inspirational/self help book. I am a huge fan of continually improving myself and love self help books. As I have already mentioned, Kris Carr is a rock star to me. She’s relatable while being able to be incredibly motivational and inspirational. Plus, she has a thing for unicorns! I recently found she has a Pinterest page and was super-duper excited about it. I quickly discovered the wonderful Danielle LaPorte, The Fire Starter Sessions, in her “Books Worth Reading” board. Ohmygoodnessitisamazing! It’s all common sense, as you would expect, but I feel it’s putting me back on track and allowing hope back into my existence. Many of the questions she raises in each session, as she calls them, I am unable to come up with answers. But I love that I have them in mind each day. I am a huge fan of the Secret book and audio and this brings me back to that space.

I was often waking up to fight RA. To conquer it. To kick its ASS! But, in reality that is the furthest thing I want to do. I greatly dislike fighting. I greatly dislike violence. Therefore why would I think and put out into the universe that I am going to fight this? It is because that is what society says to do- fight cancer, beat diabetes, and so on. I want to treat or cure RA NOT fight it. I’m done fighting. Fighting only ensues more fighting in a never ending war. I say no thank you- like I say to a yeast infection- YUCK!

Also, there’s this whole idea for those who are ill to not be a victim. The truth is I am a victim of RA. My body was duped into thinking that the lining of my joints are invaders and need to be destroyed- which is the definition of a victim. It is what it is. However, that does not mean I am laying in the fetal position, submissive, and/or complacent waiting to be beat. I accept, live, and cope with it to the best of my ability. Like the disease activity, some days I will handle it better than others. I will continue to care for my body, learn as I go, and apply necessary changes. I have a green juice and/or smoothie at least 5 days a week, eat a healthy plant based diet, mostly gluten free, have low stress, and will continue to grow and improve everyday.

RA has actually been a great gift in many ways. It allowed me to slow down, pay attention, look at the present, and plan where I want to go from here. Before I was floating, stressed, kicking ass, working hard, unaware, fearful, overworked, exhausted, sick, and out of touch. I worried about everyone and everything- but me. I had a lot of drama that was attracted to me. People needing help in every direction and I was completely unable to say no. What you think about, you bring about- it’s true. Though I love helping others, it can be consuming. It’s necessary to say nope not going to participate in this- not my life and won’t make it my life. I was an expert at taking worry to bed and lying awake at night trying to resolve it. The truth is that unless it’s my life I cannot change it. I can provide my best advice and then let it be free. If I start to head back to that place, RA reminds me no stress (or the pain worsens).

I initially started to fall with grief from hearing I would be temporarily pulled off of Humira. Inside I screamed and cried NOOOOOOOOOOO! Then an awesome reality check swept me off my feet saying- Look this is going to happen. You read it in the literature. This is not a surprise. You are going to get sick. When you get sick, you’re body needs help and that help is a higher functioning immune system. It’s okay. Your body will get to heal. It’s just the way it is right now.

I have a long way to go but, I’m learning and that feels rad!

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